Maybe You Were Better Alone
by AngelEmperor
Summary: As told by the voicemails on a cellphone, a tragedy, a gunshot, and a year apart can change everything. SuzaLulu, Oneshot, Early-R2


Hello! So, this is a birthday!fic for my dear friend **AithneTheDaydreamer **! I actually know her in *gasp* real life! We've been friends since... er, oh gosh, 4th grade? So a while now. I happily got her to watch Code Geass about a year ago, so yay! It's a about a week late, so it's a _belated_ birthday!fic, but hey, at least I persevered through evil writer's block of doom to get it done! (That being said, I am so terribly sorry if this is terrible! I was fighting the block the whole time. T_T)

Oh, and the title is a lyric from a song by the Killers, "Show You How." It has an answering machine at the beginning so... relevant? *bricked* (Although, the fic is not related to the song in anyway. I needed a title. XD)

I hope you like it though, Aithne! ^_^ (Not sure if you're cool with me using your real name here or not, so I'll just call you that!) Happy belated birthday! Much love, Geass, Lulu, and SuzaLulu!

I don't own Code Geass, the characters, or the song the title is from.

* * *

><p>"You have—"<p>

A droning beep cut it off.

"First message at—"

Another. He thought of how tedious this was. Finally, it starts.

"Hey, Lelouch, it's Suzaku. You didn't reply to the last message, I just wanted to check in on you…"

"Next message at—" He cut it off again.

"Lelouch~? It's Milly! Suzaku wanted me to give you a ring, so—"

Next. Next.

"—Lelouch? Hey. It's me. Suzaku. Uh… hah," A pause. "You weren't at school today, so that's why I'm calling. You're skipping to gamble again, aren't you? Obvious question, right, I know. You know you're going to have to make up by now, right? Well, you probably don't care… Maybe try to come tomorrow? Shirley misses you, and the student council needs your help, so, give it a shot? I'm not saying—"

By the fifth message, he had enough of it and cut it short. All the previously ignored voicemails that now filled up his phone replayed what was essentially the same thing, simply rehashed, reused, and redone multiple times. The entire thing was, in short, slightly sickening, mildly annoying, but most of all—hazardous.

His possible courses of action weren't particularly distinguished, however, numerous. But half of them were more or less stupid in the long run. The solution would most likely lie in the simplest, and most straightforward option.

Well, he was here today—Suzaku must have been thrilled.

With a click, curt and almost bitter in his mind, his phone shut and found its way back to his pocket, and he made his way to the council's clubhouse, down quiet white halls, empty, save for the few students lingering after hours for clubs or activities, all carefree, all cheerful, so faintly nostalgic and familiar.

Dead voices seemed to echo down these halls:

_("Come on, just take it!" Suzaku's hand was waving in his face, tugging at his arm, all so quickly that Lelouch almost swore it was simultaneously happening. "You don't have to be so shy. Here, just," His fingers wrapped lightly around the tips of his own. "Start with this…"_

_ "Suzaku." He whispered harshly. "You and I aren't—not yet—you're—"_

_ "Just don't worry about it! Come on, it'll get easier.")_

And old voicemails played through his head:

_ ("Lelouch! Rivalz told me today that you skip school to gamble, is that really… uh, safe? Is this what you've become without me watching you all the time?" A laugh followed, slightly concerned, but mostly just having fun. "I'm assuming that's where you are right now… be careful! We all miss you, you know? And gambling isn't a good habit to be in! Remember that story I told Nunnally and you…" _

It was a simple rule: the longer you know someone, the easier it becomes to spot unusual actions. And Suzaku was an open book, nothing more than a façade, and with the right prior knowledge, it was obvious. Painfully, painfully obvious.

The clubhouse doors arrived faster than even he could've anticipated, sliding open before him without missing a beat.

_Put on a smile—just don't worry them._

"Ah, Lelouch! About time!" Shirley scolded him, Rivalz at her shoulder, backing up every word she said with a frantic one of his own, while Milly watched from the sidelines in satisfaction. Lelouch kept a smile on, stopping there to deal with their reprimanding.

"Sorry, sorry, both of you… President, I'll handle whatever it is you wanted me to do in a minute."

She chuckled. "As long as you getto it _sometime_, Sir Hooky."

"Oh come on President, of course I will. Just excuse me a moment, won't you? The way you all act, I thought you'd all be happy with me simply showing up for once."

"We _are._" Shirley and Rivalz answered in unison as he continued to the back of the room, raising a hand to let them know he had listened.

He had heard them—of course. They were important—of course. But he didn't reply in words, for they were not as important in this instance as a far more pressing matter at hand.

He was crouched a few meters away with the gap closing steadily. His smile was slight, and his fingers loosely clasped a feathery toy, swirling it around in circles to amuse his cat, and by the way he watched Arthur bat at it, one would think it was to amuse himself as well. He'd have looked completely relaxed, if Lelouch had never seen the boy before.

There was dullness, a hesitation in his movements, as if they could sweep farther if he tried, but he wouldn't, he either refused to, or found no will within himself to try.

Lelouch couldn't decide what he felt about that—sympathetic and concerned? (He could still see Suzaku there, the one from eight years ago, the one from just over a year ago.)

Or uncaring and unattached? (Sitting there, the one who shot at him, twice, who sold him to Charles, who took away _everything, _for the sake of power and a narrow respect_._)

And he wondered if Suzaku even still thought about such things that he did now.

Lelouch stopped in front of him and their eyes then met. The briefest glint of an emerald-colored icy glare pierced through him, and he knew the answer to that question.

Bu he quietly, casually he leaned against a chair and:

"Hello," He said softly. "Happy that I've finally decided to show up?"

"I… can't say I was expecting that, Lelouch." Suzaku's voice was light when he replied, the small smile extending a bit. "You didn't reply to a single message I left you."

"A surprise is more fun, right?" A slight drop was noticeable in the brunette's expression, but it caused him no panic. "Besides, it isn't always convenient to answer a call in the middle of a casino." _Or while directing a revolutionary movement. _

"I'm sure it isn't. Still…" Suzaku looked away, the circles he drew in the air with cat toy slowing down to a stop, as the gears seemed to turn in his head. "You could've replied afterwards."

_("Lelouch! How long has it been?" Suzaku had leapt up from the floor as Lelouch approached him, a grin stretching across his face. "You haven't been here in… two, four, six, eight… ten days!" He counted them off on his fingers for added emphasis. "And that's not the least bit concerning for us? We miss you!"_

"_Aha, I'm touched?")_

"Do you feel a need to look after me then?" Lelouch asked gently, injecting the slightest laugh to his voice. "You act like you want to watch my every move."

Suzaku drew back slightly. "I'm not—I'm just concerned. You're worrying everyone, and…" He sighed. "Ah, never mind. That was a joke, wasn't it?"

Lelouch nodded. "I suppose that's what I'd call it." Arthur dashed off, distracted by the sudden movements of the other council members, and Suzaku came to his feet, leaning back against the windowsill behind him. His eyes were somewhat distant, almost hesitant, despite a mask of nonchalance and gentle happiness.

"—Lelouch?"

"Yes?"

"…Do you ever notice anything strange while you're out in the city?" He leaned back farther into the window, brown curls brushing against the glass. "Since… 'Zero's' reappearance, things have been tense there, and the casinos are located in some of the most active districts. I wouldn't be surprised if you've seen any of it."

"Of course there's some," Lelouch replied with a short artificial pause beforehand. "It's only natural, I suppose. What, are you afraid Rolo and I are getting involved with it?"

"I can't help but be." Was his simple reply, one that Lelouch figured Suzaku found acceptable due to his newfound status. Why wouldn't a Rounds member ask questions of the like? It was their duty, of course. But his voice was careful, suspicious, and trying not to sound out of place, and that card ended up only working so well. Between the questions and the cautious, searching expression that seemed to scour him for any and every bit of evidence he might show, Lelouch realized that Suzaku could only be probing. So, he took the cue to counter.

"Is this why you're so watchful? There's a difference between noticing something and _joining_ it. When did you become so uptight?" Suzaku shifted uncomfortable and shrugged. Lelouch almost laughed; they both _knew_ the answer to that quite well. "Besides, if either of us were to notice anything particularly dangerous, we'd report it to you right away…another perk to being on the Rounds, am I wrong?"

In a silent, subtle sort of way, this must have sent Suzaku reeling, for he didn't answer right away, turning his head to look out the window from the corner of his eye.

"And what do you have to give up for it?" He mumbled.

"In that you're here even less than I am?" Lelouch asked, innocence poured over a bitter voice, a fist clenched behind his back.

"…Yeah."

_("Come over tonight."_

_ "Huh? Tonight?" Suzaku was caught off guard, but certainly not upset about the request._

_ "Nunnally wants to see you again," He explained impatiently. It was the truth, part of it, at least. "You don't have work, right?" _

_ "Ah…right, right! Yeah, I'll be over!" He nodded enthusiastically as it seemed to finally reach his head._

_ "Take a nap beforehand, I swear, you're going to fall asleep at dinner if you don't." Lelouch sighed, pushing his tilting head back up the heel of his hand, at which Suzaku giggled._

_ "At least I don't sleep _during_ class?")_

"We don't spend as much time together as we used to." Not surprising, really. From the chair, Lelouch slipped to the side, taking a seat on the edge of the table. What a dangerous game they were already beginning to play. "…Amazing what a year can do." Or rather, what an example gone wrong, a gun, and a broken mask can _kill._

"Maybe things were always more complicated than either of us realized," Suzaku offered. "Or wanted to realize."

Indeed, they had been living in denial, Lelouch thought, and because they spoke now, maybe Suzaku still was. Was he talking as Britannia's watchful eye, or as a broken young man pretending that everything was still okay, that he didn't hate him, that he never killed Euphemia? Either option suddenly seemed disgusting in his mind.

_Just settle it: tell me you hate me now like I hate you._

"Things happened for me… in such a short period of time," Suzaku continued, "I didn't know how to handle it, and maybe I still don't know how to handle it. But…" He swallowed, and came forward to a chair near where Lelouch sat. "Everything was changed overnight. And things weren't stable to begin with…am I making any good sense?"

"Perfectly," Lelouch replied quietly, so that the other members of the room might not hear, and so he could hardly hear himself. "Everything that happened changed you, and it's making our relationship more…distant. It's okay." Silently, he knew there were two halves to the story, and the other was of his own responsibility. But these, of course, were things Suzaku could never say, because he was talking to Lelouch Lamperouge, a blind sheep who knew nothing of Geass, of revolutions, of having a younger _sister. _And he could not find out the truth. Not yet.

_(He found out who the pilot of the Lancelot had always been. They kissed only once after that. Then, Euphemia came, and Euphemia left, with nothing but a trail of blood to her name.)_

"It is?" Suzaku sounded as if he couldn't believe he was hearing that. As if part of him didn't believe that answer for a moment. "Look…I…I didn't want it to be like this. But that's the way it is, and I'm trying to make the best of it."

"Likewise." Lelouch whispered back. Although, he couldn't be sure if making the best of it truly was the right term for what he was doing.

"I'm not cutting you off, but, I think it's best to stay like this for now. Friends. Just ordinary friends," As fast as he sat down, he was standing once again. "Until things clear up for me, for you, for…everyone really." Suzaku was cutting him off, while still keeping him under his nose for observation—and somehow, that was more relieving than Lelouch had expected.

"To be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. You need the time to settle things out, right? Then don't hesitate to take it, you're not offending me at all." Lelouch casually waved a hand. "You deserve it anyways."

"Thank you, Lelouch." Suzaku was beginning to walk past him now, stopping only to say one more thing, just one more thing. "And… if you ever were to notice anything strange… and were to join it. I… I don't think I could even like you anymore."

Lelouch, already turned away, and knowing that Suzaku could not see his face, smiled, small at first, and then growing into something far more twisted, angry, and thrilled, all at once.

"And I wouldn't blame you at all."

And _that _settled it.

_("—Lelouch? It's Suzaku. You're out gambling, again, I know, I know! But please come, at least to the council meeting! Or start with replying to this message later! It's not right without you here. And besides—you know, I think… I think I was right, when we talked yesterday… and I said things were different from seven years ago. But not in a bad way! No… I think… I think…")_

* * *

><p>Not only is it fulfilling to write for a friend, this was also a wonderful chance to write a non-AU! It's kind of hard with CG, so I don't write them as much as I used to... so I seriously enjoyed writing this!<p> 


End file.
